Moving on is easier said than done especially when you’ve had a rough past interfering with your present.
Chasing The Rush
As a teenager, I was easily carried away with the hype of the crowd and the charm of peer pressure. I seek out places that I believe would get my excitement up, reel up a blood rush and actually make me feel alive in the moment. But during those days, I was still learning. I didn’t know how heavy the consequences were. I committed mistakes that lead to a wide-range damage. They were painful experiences. But those were my life lessons and I wouldn’t be able to learn them completely in any other way.
When are young, we are bound to commit mistakes. What we think is good, turns out to be actually bad. We tend to do things only to find out they were stupid ideas in the end. But that’s how we learn to make better choices in the long run and be better adults in the future.
Getting It Together
The hard part is the recovery of your life after the struggle. People on social media make it seem easy. Saying that you shouldn’t care about what others think about you or that your past does not define your present.
First, it’s pretty hard to ignore when by every little move, everyone around judges you for your choices. And then associates them with stuff that happened in the past.
Second, it’s pretty hard when all you do is make yourself the best you can be. And, yet people still see you for who you were and not who you are now.
Third, it’s pretty hard when people make up stories to punch you down and stunt your growth. All while you are making progress. Unfortunately, more people actually believe these lies.
Fourth, it’s pretty hard when you get labeled for something that isn’t true, be a subject of gossips for a well made story by people who just can’t get enough of your downfall.
Fifth, it’s pretty hard when others make it a point to let you feel that your value was lost and you are no longer worthy.
Lastly, it’s pretty hard when you lay in bed at night, every night, thinking about trying so hard. And yet you are still feeling inadequate, not enough.
Stay strong, they say.
It will pass, they say. It may, but for me it hasn’t, yet. I believe I am strong enough to keep going, everyone of us is strong enough. Everyone eventually makes wrong choices, and that’s a fact that makes us all stand on the same ground: we are all imperfect. We fight different battles, we tackle different demons, sometimes we rise above them, sometimes we let them take over. But that does not strip us off our value and that does not steal us away from developing to our greatest potentials.
Everyday is a struggle but I am a woman with a soul of a warrior, a blood of a fighter, and a heart of a champion. I am scarred, but I am not scared. Only the people who deserves a place in my heart would be able to comprehend that.
