You’ll realize it soon enough. When you start browsing your social media and see that nothing has changed. Your friends continue on with their lives. Your husband continuing to ask time to spend with his friends — nothing has changed. Except you. It seems like it’s only your life that has turned around. It became all about feeding, changing nappies, burping, and putting to sleep that small little human that depends on you.
You can’t even bathe, or eat a full meal on time. The sleepless nights start to hit hard while trying to heal your scar from birth, all while trying to take care of your little one.
You will want a break, but can’t do it. Because the only person you trust with your baby is yourself. You will want to go out, but can’t control the guilt of leaving your baby in the care of someone else. You will want help, but can’t get over the fear of being shamed for needing so.
You are no longer available. Even if you wanted to see your friends, do you have enough energy left to have fun with them? And if you needed to take your little bub with you, can you manage to get through the tantrums and feedings while out and about? Not to mention the humongous amount of stuff you need to bring with your baby bag.
You weren’t always like this. You were a girl full of life and energy before this — but now dreads the idea of going out. You take on full responsibility of being a mom, all while trying to maintain a good relationship with your husband by being a good wife, and maybe even juggling it with your career.
The pressure that society imposes on moms takes a toll on you. It is unfair that it is only you that had to go through this changes. Including the stress and trauma your body suffered from childbirth. And yet, here you are continuing an underpaid, under appreciated, and undervalued job out of pure unconditional love.
There are days that feel like you can no longer give anything. Where you feel tired just upon waking up in the morning and drained to the bones. But those bottles can’t wash themselves and nor does that breakfast your husband expects can wait.
Most days, you meet the needs of the people around you. Taking care of them has been your new job and what was expected from you. And yet, you look around and no one seems to bother and ask what you need, or how you feel. Most days, it feels like all you got is yourself.
No one there to pat your shoulder and tell you that you’re doing a good job.
No one there to silence your insecurities and tell you that you are a warrior for the changes you’ve gone through.
No one there to make sure you’re okay just as you hug your little one tight when he’s not.
Even so, you got this! Everyday may feel like the same mess you have to keep on tidying up and other chores that can’t be skipped on or procrastinated but your resolve has kept you going. Even when thankless as it is, there will be a day when you’ll look back and miss all the chaos. Hold on to that future hope, that someday you can be all about you and your little one be all himself.
Mothers are heroes and warriors, just how my mom had been for me — and just as how you are too.