I’ve been thinking about the things you asked me. Why I love you, I chose you, and I dated you. If only I can curse away your doubts and make the circumstances favorable for us, but then I can’t. I can only hope for things to eventually fall into their proper places, at the right time.
First, because we were caught off guard too quickly; or at least, for me. And you thought I was faking it.
Second, because I was just out of a toxic relationship; which you refused to understand. And you thought I’m incapable to love, truly.
Third, because I had such a bad reputation to forget and move on from. And you thought I am untrustworthy.
Finally, because you cared about what other people would say more than what I would feel. And you thought I was rushing things when I just want clarity.
But you were better than I’ve ever even imagined to hope for and everything about you came as both a mystery and a surprise.
I liked most of it, hated some.
I like how your body perfectly snuggles me when I dive in for a hug, but hated how much petite I get when we’re together.
I like how tasteful your playlist is and how we sing together in your car, but hated how you barely appreciate mine (can’t blame my bad taste in music).
I like how much of a dedicated hard worker you are in your field, how focused, driven and passionate you are in your goals; but hated how much busy you can get.
I like how you take and hold my hand even when you need to shift gears; but hated that your eyes should always be on the road.
I like how you endlessly call me ‘beautiful’ when I barely even applied any makeup on; but hated how much uglier I think I get when I’m with you.
I like how our conversations flow spontaneously and how silences do not breathe awkwardness; but hated how most of them turn into instant arguments.
I like how much you smile after I lean in for a kiss, but hated how I can’t do anything to reach your lips while you are standing head high, teasing me.
I like the sound of you cracking up in every single awkward thing I do, but hated how much embarrassment it gives me.
I like how much of a gentleman you are, always paying for stuff we get together, always being responsible, but hated how you never let me make it up for it.
I like how you make time to see me, and actually do something to come to me rather than just say you miss me, but hated how much I can’t do the same for you.
Most of all, I like how much you make me feel appreciated, wanted, needed, important and special, but hated how much we need to lay low in expressing it.
For a woman who isn’t new at relationships, giving me a new set of first times would be difficult, but you certainly delivered and I was definitely awed. Swayed. Swept off my feet. Stumbled and fell.
My love, I am not perfect, nor will I ever be, neither do I expect you to be. I am bound to commit mistakes, and so are you. My past may be full of darkness, but that’s precisely how I was able to get a hold of the light and share its brightness with you.
I can’t promise our days to always be good, and happy, and fun. There will be bad days, even worst ones, but I will be there for you. Always. Only if you take me.
As I am.
As a whole.
With all my dirty laundries.
Because for you, I already did.