I didn’t need to fall in love.
I didn’t need to be taken care of.
I didn’t need anything.
I was keeping up with my own pace comfortably when you came along and claimed my heart before I can even say no.
Now, I want everything. All of your love and all of yourself, only for me.
But, I can’t.
I let my guard down even when I know I’m going to be difficult to love.
I showed you my vulnerabilities even when I know you may run away from them.
I bared my soul even when I know you’ll be able to have the power to tear me down.
I spilled my darkest corners even when I know how nasty they were, it may drive you off.
I’m holding on to a relationship that doesn’t exist, to a commitment that’s made with only my hopes and dreams, to a love that revolves around presumption, to a person who’s half there…maybe even less than half.
And its funny how you placed yourself just in the right position to do whatever you pleased without giving me the right to get involved yet leading me into a full submission to your will.
Ironically, I tend to hold on even more when I know that I must let go. I guess being aware is not enough. Not even the desire or this pain that’s eating me alive, but the fear of loosing what once was good, what once was sweet and what once used to work.
It’s happening all over again. How many more times do I have to cry myself to sleep at night? How many more times do I have to question my worth? How many more times do I have to be kicked out of a relationship only to be broken again in a new one?
I don’t know how much more heartbreaks I should go through before I can finally accept the reality that there is no such thing as permanence, only temporary feelings and people passing by.
And that there ain’t anybody out there who’s gonna treat you right but yourself.
And that there ain’t anybody out there who’s got your back and your barely healed heart but yourself.
People talk about self-worth like it’s such an easy outfit to slay. But for the keeper that I am, going all-in is always option one. Risking all of my heart for a love I think I deserve will always be my kind of game. It always gets me taken, but mostly, for granted. Just like how you did when I made it all convenient for you.
My love, I didn’t let go of you, you broke just exactly where you’re hooked up at and ripped yourself off of me. Off of my heart, taking a piece of it, leaving a void I can never fill again.
No matter how much I try, how much I give and how much I love…I guess, you’ll always be too much for me and I’ll never be enough for you. You aren’t worth my tears but I am worth the comfort crying gives. It’s just me and the sheets for now.
There will be someone who will treat you like no one has ever done. Someone who will tell you everyday how beautiful you are and how amazing you are. Someone who will be your lawyer to protect and defend you from others, someone who will be your nurse or doctor to take care of you when you are not feeling well, someone who will be your chef to cook when you crave for something. Someone who will be your Engineer to build your future with. Someone who will treat you more than a diamond and even a million dollar worth car just to be with you, a one in a billion woman. The heart of a woman is so fragile which really needs so much care and love. There is someone who will really love you the way you've always dreamt of. Victoria, you are so beautiful and unique not to be loved the way you deserve.
Thank you so much. Whoever you are. 💖
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You are always welcome. I wish I could get to know you personally.
I'm amazed of what you had written and expressed.
I want to prove that permanence exists and I want to treat you right, the way you should be treated.